On a positive note...

I actually slept a full seven hours last night. Okay, so I dreamed that I still had my family together and then suddenly woke up to the cruel reality of my situation, but that wasn't until seven hours later. I consider it an improvement and I hope I can keep sleeping through the night.

I have a job interview in a few hours, so I figured I would just stay up. It would be such a blessing for me to get this job. I would still be able to stay home with Koda. It would help my self-esteem. I would be able to help change lives through the program. However, I know if I am not chosen, then it was not the right path for my life.

Another positive, my good friend Adrienne took some amazing pictures of Nekoda. We went to a private home in town for the photo shoot. Nekoda explored rock gardens, waterfall ponds, bridges and even a bamboo forest. I am so proud of her for starting her own business. She is an amazing photographer. I will post pictures later this week.

I started a brand new bible study last night. I am really excited to learn how to apply Scripture to my life. I have always been amazed at people that can quote scripture from memory. I would love to attain that goal in my future.

I am going to call tomorrow about a divorce recovery support group in this area. I believe it would be beneficial to be around other people that are experiencing (or have experienced) the same emotions I am right now.

After my previous post, I called and talked to my mother. Nekoda was with his father, so I cried as much as I could. She told me that I need to let go of the idea that this was about me. He has made me feel like a worthless person. My mom said this is about his selfish desires. She feels like he doesn't want to accept that fact so he feels the need to blame me. By allowing him to make me feel worthless, I am giving him power. That was an eye opener for me...I need to start working on my self-esteem.

Looks like the negativity is creeping back in...better end this on a positive note...